So, let’s talk about BDSM. You know, that thing that everyone thinks is weird, dangerous, and probably illegal? Yeah, that. Well, guess what? It’s not. And for some people, it can actually be a pretty effective tool for healing trauma.
I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, “Marty, how can something that involves pain and submission possibly be therapeutic?” Well, it’s all about control. Or, more accurately, giving up control or taking control.
See, for people who’ve experienced trauma, one of the biggest challenges is regaining a sense of control over their lives. BDSM can provide a safe space to explore that power dynamic, to learn to trust someone else and yourself, and to feel safe and secure. It’s like a controlled chaos, if that makes sense.
Now, I’m not saying everyone should rush out and try BDSM. It’s not a magic cure-all. But for some people, it can be a really powerful tool. And it’s definitely worth considering if you’re struggling with trauma and intimacy in your relationships. BDSM can be a way to include intimacy in a safe and structured way, to take away the uncertainty and fear.
Here’s the thing: BDSM can help people with trauma in a few ways:
- It can help survivors of trauma reclaim power and control over their bodies and experiences.
- It can help individuals who have difficulty trusting others to rebuild healthy relationships.
- It can provide a safe and structured environment for individuals to process their traumatic experiences.
- It can help individuals to explore their sexuality in a safe and consensual way.
But what if I’m Autistic/Neurodivergent, should I try this?
Absolutely! The scripted/predictable nature of BDSM can be highly appealing to neurospicy folks who often thrive on clear structure and predictable routines. This predictability can reduce anxiety and provide a sense of safety and control, which are crucial for many. BDSM can also offer a safe and controlled environment to explore different sensations, including touch, pain, and restriction. This can be particularly beneficial for those with sensory sensitivities, allowing them to navigate and understand their sensory experiences in a consensual, controlled, and empowering way.
So, here’s the deal.
Research shows that having a strong support system can help you bounce back from tough times and even prevent anxiety. It’s kind of like having a safety net. And you know what? BDSM can be a part of that support system. When you’re in a BDSM community, you’re surrounded by people who understand what you’re going through and can offer support, advice, and a sense of belonging.
For individuals with trauma, BDSM can offer therapeutic benefits similar to those found in practices like yoga. These benefits often stem from techniques such as breathwork and rhythm, which can help regulate the nervous system and promote a sense of safety.
Breath work, a cornerstone of BDSM, can be particularly effective in managing conditions like depression and anxiety. By focusing on their breathing during intense experiences, participants can cultivate a sense of control and calm. Rhythm and repetition, whether through consistent impact play or counting during tasks, can also be grounding and reassuring.
One of the most significant ways BDSM can aid trauma recovery is by expanding the nervous system’s window of tolerance. This window represents the range of emotions and sensations an individual can comfortably handle. Trauma can shrink this window, making it difficult to regulate emotions and responses.
BDSM, when practiced carefully, can gradually widen this window by introducing controlled stress and then providing comfort and relaxation. This process, often referred to as “pushing the edge,” can help individuals become more resilient to stressors and better regulate their emotions.
The practice of aftercare in BDSM plays a crucial role in healing. (Aftercare is the a period of rest and connection after play, can stimulate quiescent immobility, a trauma response associated with healing. This process involves the release of oxytocin, a neurotransmitter linked to bonding and comfort. For some, aftercare is cuddles, cleaning, recapping, or just basking in the post coital bliss.)
My last message is this: Safety first, folks. Always communicate openly with your partner, set boundaries, and make sure you’re both comfortable with everything you’re doing. And if you’re not sure where to start, there are plenty of resources available online and in your community.
So, there you have it. BDSM is more than just a kink. It can be a powerful tool for healing trauma, exploring sexuality, and engaging in sensory experiences. If you’re struggling with intimacy, it might be worth exploring BDSM as a potential option.
Want to explore your boundaries with your partner? Check out the attached worksheet to help you get started. It’s a fun and informative way to discover what you’re comfortable with and what you might want to try in the future. Let’s dive into the world of BDSM together!
with much love,
Marty Hosier
